


i'm afraid of the morning

by multifandomstylinson (ViolaWay)



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-12
Updated: 2013-07-12
Packaged: 2017-12-19 06:14:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/880382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViolaWay/pseuds/multifandomstylinson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Blaine wakes up, he thinks that Kurt is gone.<br/>Because Kurt always leaves.<br/>But maybe not this time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm afraid of the morning

Afraid Of The Morning

When Blaine wakes up, the other side of the bed is empty and his breath catches in his throat. He’s in the same hotel room as the night, only now it seems empty…colder. He shivers and pulls the covers around his body tightly. The cream-colored quilt scratches his skin and he sniffs to hold back the tears.

 

“Blaine, d’you want toast?”

 

He stayed. The realization hits Blaine like a wrecking ball: Kurt is still here; he didn’t leave again. Maybe this time they’ll work it out. Maybe this time Kurt will talk to him about all of this, and then they’ll wake up together for the rest of the mornings of their lives.

 

He clears his throat.

 

“Y-Yes, please. Thank you.” There’s a double meaning in his gratitude, Kurt probably realizes. They didn’t talk the night before, so caught up in the moment, and maybe Blaine did ask Kurt to stay—maybe he mumbled it into the sweat on Kurt’s skin and maybe Kurt found it in himself to obey, this time.

 

Finally.

 

He makes his way out of the bedroom door and into the front room, where the kettle is boiling and there’s the crispy smell of bread in the toaster. Blaine flashes Kurt a sleepy smile, not wanting to break the fragile silence. He goes over to the sofa and turns on the television, closing his eyes again.

 

“Blaine, we need to talk.”

 

They do. But this conversation, as far as Blaine can tell, has two destinations. He knows that he wants one of them, and that Kurt wants the other. Blaine wants this to be the start of something, because this has been going on for months. It’s harder and harder to pretend that he doesn’t mind when Kurt leaves.

 

Kurt always leaves.

 

It all started when they met at a party, thrown by a mutual friend. Hard, fast and dirty in the back room. “I want to see you again.” One of them had said that, he thinks. They meet up once every few weeks, in a hotel that Blaine’s girlfriend doesn’t know about, and Kurt’s boyfriend knows about but doesn’t care.

 

That might be why Kurt comes. No one cares.

 

Blaine met a lovely girl, in his last year of High School. Rachel Berry, who he kissed at a party when he was drunk, and who hadn’t let go since. Three years down the line, admitting that he’s gay might cause some issues. He spent a long time being scared by his own sexuality, and now he has to face the consequences.

 

“Yeah, we do,” he agrees finally.

 

Kurt looks at him, then, for several long seconds, before replying. “I want to stop.” Of course. That’s what he’s said at least a dozen times before, and he’s made some compelling arguments to go with the phrase. Blaine still feels the hurt that accompanies the words, though.

 

“No.”

 

“Blaine. I can’t do this. You don’t…” He trails off, but Blaine knows what he means. Kurt doesn’t understand, though. Blaine’s dad tried to beat it out of him, and Blaine tried to convince himself that it had worked. It’s hard to regain the courage when it’s been gone for so long.

 

“I love you, Kurt.”

 

He’s never said that before, but it slips out. Kurt looks shocked—but surely he knew, surely Blaine has expressed this in every way but one—and he backs away as if Blaine as delivered a physical blow. Blaine knows he’s said the wrong thing, that this is a surefire way to send Kurt running.

 

“No. No, you don’t. You can’t.”

 

Kurt is shaking his head, eyes wide and body curled in on itself defensively. Stepping backwards, he braces his hands against the counter and stares at Blaine like he’s a ghost. His lips mouth that one word over and over. ‘No.’ Like it’s impossible, like it could never work out.

 

“Please,” Blaine begs.

 

“Are you crazy!?” Kurt finally bursts out, shedding the helpless, confused image. “What do you think you’re going to achieve, saying that? You’re scared of admitting who you are to the world: you have a girlfriend, for God’s sake! And I’m with Adam. I love him.”

 

“You don’t.”

 

“You don’t know me,” Kurt hisses in reply. “You don’t know whether I love him or not! Don’t pretend that you know anything about me! We meet up once a month—once or twice, maybe—and you want to pretend. You want to pretend that you’ve got this glimpse into who I am. You don’t.”

 

“Why do you keep coming back?”

 

“God knows. I’m fucking pathetic, aren’t I? Wish I could say that I didn’t give a shit about you, but I do. You always make me feel like you care. More than I can say for Adam, huh? He’s probably off with some whore right now. Thinks it makes him all unique if he’s bisexual.”

 

“Why do you stay with him?”

 

Kurt looks at him apprehensively for a few very long moments, like he’s trying to work out how much of his soul he should bare. Like he’s trying to work out why Blaine cares, why Blaine wants to know what’s going on in his life, why he’s unhappy, why he’s insecure. Finally:

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“That’s okay. I don’t know why I’m still with Rachel, either. But the point is, we’re here right now. There’s a reason for that. And I don’t think it’s because either of us are that good a lay; we wouldn’t need it so much if that were the case,” Blaine says. “I think we need each other.”

 

“I’m sorry I leave.”

 

“You stayed this time. That’s what counts, right? So, here goes nothing. How about we call up our…our partners. Tell them we need to talk. Take them to a nice place, break their hearts or maybe not, I don’t know. Then we…I’ll call you, and we’ll go out on a date. And this…this doesn’t matter. It’s in the past.”

 

“Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos/Bookmark/Comment please!!


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